looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
