He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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