My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
