You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
third nipple confirmed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
