my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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