I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
time to smoke my breakfast
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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