What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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