so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
