There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
