i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
