I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sext me about skeletons
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
