i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
