if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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