i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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