Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
