i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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