i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize