Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
