My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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