first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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