Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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