Your mouth is God's brothel.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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