brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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