we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
