I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
