In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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