Swine flu. Run for my life!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
