I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
