Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize