He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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