Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Someone signed my nipple.
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