She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
