Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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