I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
