Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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