I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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