Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize