I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
