at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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