i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
