the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
