Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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