New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
