I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
