they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
