The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
