Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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