if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
