I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
