This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
