There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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