I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
