i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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