yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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