He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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