but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
