Define "chronic" masturbator.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
