Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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