he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
