Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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