enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
