from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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