Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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