She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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